Hellsing's Fanbase Problems
by Liz the Weird
Summary: The amazing adventures of the Hellsing characters along with the extras of 6 caring fans, who can only be described by '... ... ...' as they encounter them. Various things happen, some that even break reality! Don't just stare, READ.
1. The wrath of the Fanbase x1

**Hellsing's Fanbase Problems**: Chapter 1: The Wrath of the Fanbase x1

Written by Liz the Weird.

Fanbase People are (c) Themselves.

I DO NOT OWN THE HELLSING CHARACTERS, OMGWTF. They all belong to Kouta Hirano and all that jazz.

The flames won't hurt me. :D

"I am wow." means they are talking, and /Holy Crap./ means thought. Okay? GOOD. D:

I'm not sure what the Fic is rated, but it sure seems like a **T **to me.

LOLOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGLOL.

A group of 6 people were walking around London.

Aki smacked Liz on the back of the head all of a sudden, as V was reading a book. Joe watched Aki beat up Liz for a temporary Moment and Ruka held Liz and Aki away from eachother. Autteh stared at the action.

Liz clawed the air like a rabid.. uh.. Bulldog. Or Something. She snarled. Joe prodded Liz in the middle of the forehead. "I'M BORED." He boomed. Ruka looked around for a moment and saw some buildings.. and a Hobo walking around with a yellow grocery bag. She smiled very wide and pointed at a random building.. a rather HUGE one. Too Huge for its own good. "Why don't we go THERE?" She hopped up and down happily.

"Oooh!" Autteh said as her eyes lit up like a little kid on christmas. "I know what that is!" She flailed her arms in the air. "Hmm?" V looked up and saw the hugeamungus building and dropped the book. Joe snatched the book and shoved it in his mouth. Aki prodded Autteh. "Reaaaaaallly?"

"Yes. Really." Autteh answered. "WOO!" Liz cheered and then scattered off to the building. The rest followed along, as Joe snacked upon the tasty book. "Delicious."

_At the Huge Building_ ...

Integra was reading some documents as she drank her coffee. She was typing at the computer at the same time. Then Suddenly..

BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG.

No. It was not the sound of guns shooting.

It was Alucard.

Integra grumpily glared at the door as she dropped her cup of coffee on the floor. She muttered. "I'll get Walter to clean it up.." As she stood up. Before she could answer it, The door suddenly swung open and Alucard was hiding in the corner of the room.

Integra was on the ground.

"WHAT.. IS.. IT." She yelled.

Alucard trembled at the bitchy screaming. He stood up and then gulped. He pointed outside.

"A group of 6 people.. no.. 6 HUMANS forced their way into the building! And.." His hat started moving. Integra stared at the hat.

"Alucard.. did your hat just.." Integra was not able to finish her sentence.

Alucard suddenly jerked around and tryed taking his hat off, but it was EATING HIS FACE, OH MY GOD. He tried several times jerking the rabid Hat off. He tripped over his gun and landed on the ground, the hat hopping off of his head. It scooted towards Integra.

Integra just stood there. The hat started making some monster munching sounds as it started to come towards her. Integra freaked out..

SCREAMEDLIKEHELLANDRANOUTOFHERROOMWHILEFLAILINGHERARMS.

The hat continued chasing her as she ran through the hallways. Through the bathrooms, through a maze, Through the bedrooms of each member of Hellsing, Through Seras's room, Until she ran into Walter. The hat stopped. Integra was clinging to Walter like a monkey on a tree. Frightened.

"S-Sir Integra.. What exactly is that?" Walter stared at the hat. It was just sitting there.

"T-THAT THING.. WAS CHASING ME!" Integra choked Walter as she clung to him. Walter gagged.

"I'm old." Walter stated.

Then suddenly..

"FUFUFUFUFUFUFUFU." The hat cackled as it scooted off under a door and into a room. Walter and Integra watched.

IT WAS JOE THE ENTIRE TIME. He transformed back to himself and rubbed his hands together evily. Licking his lips.

"Oh the posibilities." He grinned. "Its just like that." He paced around in the room. "The plan has been plotted perfectly. NOW." He glanced around. And took out a walkie talkie, and spoke into it like James Bond.

"JOE THE GREAT TO LIZ THE WERID CALLING. Plan A has been done! END." Joe spoke into the thingy.

"OKIEEE DOKIE!" Liz screeched.

Joe nodded. He ended and shoved the walkie talkie in his mouth.

Chew. Chew. Chew.

Swallow. Digest.

_LATER ON IN SOME OTHER AREA_..

The other members of the group were in some random hallway.

Liz was cackling to herself about the ideas she can do. V stood up and shoved a book in her pocket. "I got some ideas." She smiled. "Why don't we split up and bother whoever we can find?" Ruka looked at V. "Ooh?"

Autteh smiled. "Thats a good idea!" She suddenly grabbed Liz's hand.

"Your coming with me!" Autteh grinned. Aki raised her head in the air. "I WANNA CAUSE TROUBLE!" She screamed and then ran off somewhere in the opposite direction where Autteh and Liz were going.

_At Some Time ..._

Maxwell stared around as he walked through the hallways of Hellsing. It was quiet...

... Too quiet.

He began to hum some song that he knew as he happily went over to Integra's office.. Until he suddenly tripped.

"Unh.." He muttered as he slowly stood up. "Why the hell did I trip?" He questioned himself. He shrugged and opened the door to Integra's office.. seeing that she was back in there with Walter, who was trying to calm her down.

"Here. Have some tea, Sir Integra..? It will calm you down.." Walter set a cup of Tea on her desk. Integra stared at it, before shoving it away.

"N-No. I'm fine. I think I was just hallucinating.. Hats don't move and make munching sounds." She placed her hand where her heart was. And then noticed Maxwell.

"Grr.." She growled. Giving him the evil eye.

Maxwell smiled and then marched his way over Integra's desk. He tripped again.

"DAMNITTOHELL." He stood back up. "Thats the second time in a row!"

Integra blinked.

Maxwell stared.

The sash started moving on his own, the one half touching Integra's chest.

The other half slapped against her face.

Maxwell blinked in confusion as he grabbed the parts of the Sash and yanked them away.

"S-Sorry! I don't know whats happening at all." The Roman rubbed the side of his head nervously. "Anyways.. I just need to talk to you about somthing. That --"

"I loooove yooooou." Something said out of nowhere, in a cutesy voice.

"N-NO! I mean.. er.. !"

The Sash wrapped around his face and his body, CONSTRICTING HIM as giggles were heard! He screamed in confusion as Integra watched, wide eyed. The snatched the tea cup and downed the flavored water in one gulp.

"You like Integra!" One part of the Sash giggled.

"YOU GOTS THE FACE OF A RAPIST, BOY!" The other half said.

The sash laughed and squirmed the ends like jello.

Maxwell falls onto the floor. He rolls around and trys to stop the sash from constricing around his body.

Integra stands up and runs out of the room to get away from the insanity.

_Sometime In the Police Girl's room_...

Seras just woke up, in her sleeping robes that were pink and very frilly. She sighed and rubbed her head.. and felt somthing.

She stared at her hand and saw that there were inky spots in a blue colour. A NEON Blue. She gasped, ran over to a mirror, and saw that her hair was a different colour.

Her eyes went wide.

She was on the verge of tears.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Alucard appeared into the room and cackled.

"My My, Police girl. That looks quite nice on you!" He grinned.

Seras whined.

_OMGWTF Lets see whats going on with Integra!_

Integra was calmly walking down the hallway.

/Geeze.. Whats wrong with people these days? Ever since that Alucard said that there were 6 people here.. wait../ She paused, her eyes widening to the thought. She grinned.

/Okay. WhoEVER they are, I will make SURE we find them! But that still doesen't explain the thing with the--/ She suddenly stepped on Alucard's hat, that was on the floor.

She looked to see what she stepped on, and she froze up for a moment, before jerking back.

"W--What the.." She gasped.

"Oh. The Hat. Wait... Why is it doing here..?"

The hat started moving. Towards Integra again.

DEJA VU.

"MUNCHMUNCHMUNCHMUNCHMUNCHGRRR." The hat said.

Integra's heart nearly stopped. As the hat inched towards her feet as it moved the top, bearing teeth, Integra screamed and ran off. THE HAT CHASED HER AGAIN OHMYGOD.

Through the hallway...

Through the bedrooms..

Through the bathrooms..

Around the Organization outside...

Through a training field...

Through Walter's room...

Before she went into some random room in the organization and locked herself inside. She swallowed the Key and let out a calm sigh.

A hand set onto her shoulder and she nearly flinched. She turned around and saw V.

"Welcome. . ." V grinned creepily.

Integra blinked.

"Who exactly are you.. and.. Why are you in my organization?" She yelled, confused as before. But not as bad as when Maxwell's Sash started going Jello on him.

V tied Integra to a chair forcefully and stood behind her. The chair faced a TV.

"You. . . need to learn somthing that might calm you down!" V patted Integra on the head.

LOLOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGLOL.

Liz the weird is not responsible for your missing brain cells, or your bleeding eyes.

Chapter 2 is coming soon, which Liz the Weird will write.

The members of the Millennium will be making an appearance too! Yay!


	2. PROBLEMSPROBLEMSPROBLEMS

**Hellsing's Fanbase Problems**: Chapter 2: PROBLEMSPROBLEMSPROBLEMS

Written by Liz the Weird.

Fanbase People are (c) Themselves.

I DO NOT OWN THE HELLSING CHARACTERS, OMGWTF. They all belong to Kouta Hirano and all that jazz. He is godly.

Flames are tasty. Yum. I eat them for breakfast :D

"I am wow." means they are talking, and /Holy Crap./ means thought. Okay? GOOD. D:

I'm not sure what the Fic is rated, but it sure seems like a **T** to me. o.o

LOLOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGLOL.

Integra struggled from the chair she was tied to, until V grabbed her head and made her face the TV. V grinned even more in the creepy way.. more then last time! The.. creepiest.. CREEPY. Yeah. A Creepy Johnny the Homicidal Maniac way.

A moment of silence and the TV cackled.

'FUFUFUFUFUFUFUFU." It said as it blinked on. A white screen with a red dot at the corner was seen.

It was a Kotex commercial.

Integra stared blankly at the commercials, rolling both of her fists in a ball. Gritting her teeth so hard that it began to hurt.

V grinned and still kept Integra still.

More Kotex commercials.

5 minuets passed..

Then 10...

And then..

ESTROGEN COMMERCIALS!

Oh the horror.

"Why.. are you showing me this exactly?" Integra said, getting really annoyed at the commercials. And then thrashed like there was no tommrow. V just laughed and reamained to keep her still.

"My. . . You really are angery today, arn't you? Did somthing happen?" V questioned Integra.

Integra grumbled and watched more Kotex and Estrogen commercials.

_SOMEPLACE WHERE MAXWELL IS_

The Roman wandered around after the problem with his sash that just came to life.

He suddenly tripped again. "UGH!" He screamed. He lifted himself off the ground, and the Sash was alive once again.

"YOU LIKE INTEGRA." One half cackled. "We are gonna frame yoooooou!" The other half said as it wiggled.

"Yeah! For feeling up Integra's shirt!" Both of the sides wiggled and wrapped around Maxwell, one of the ends playing with his hair while the other end was poking his face.

"NEENER NEENER NEENER!"

Maxwell grumbled and yanked the ends of the sash away from his head and crossed his arms.

"You are NOT real!" He declared.

"YES WE AAAAARE." Both of the ends of the sash said at once, wrapping around his arms and moving them to hit him on his head.

"OW! Why you!" He tried moving his arms. Useless. He cried.

Maxwell then walked off, trying to ignore the moving ends of the sash.

Then suddenly the ends screeched "FEED ME SEYMOUR."

Maxwell covered his ears and proceeded to walk into a room to calm down. After walking inside and shutting the door, he sat down on the edge of the bed, until he heard somthing. AN EAR PIERCING SCREAM FROM THE CLOUSIT.

Maxwell finched a bit before he fell on the ground and rolled around as he covered his ears in terrible pain. He cried. Again.

Ruka jumped out of the clousit when she was done screaming, grabbed Maxwell off of the ground, and grinned at him.

In her hand, was a pair of chopsticks, plastic ones.

Maxwell blinked, and just stared at the girl nervously.

"W-What are you.. going to do with that?"

"THEYS GONNA BE IN YOUR NOSE!" The sash wiggled.

Ruka giggled.

"Exactly!" Ruka stuffed the Chopsticks up Maxwell's nose.

A scream was heard through out the organization.

_Lets see what Aki is doing!_

Aki was happily skipping around the hallway until she saw Walter. She pointed at him and hissed.

"OLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLDOLD."

Walter jumped and then stared at Aki.

Aki stared at Walter. Aki put on a pair of rubber gloves and proceeded to prod Walter on the forehead.

"Your old!" She continued prodding. "Thank you..?" Walter said. He backed away from a bit until he was against a wall.

Somthing clicked in Aki's brain and then grinned.

THE MOST. HORRIBLE. GRIN. EVER.

_Back with Integra..._

KOTEX. KOTEX. ESTROGEN. KOTEX.

ESTROGEN.

Integra stared blankly as she was forced to watch some more commercials. Until she finally had it.

V sighed and said, "Okay, okay. . ." She popped in a new DVD.

A women comes up on the screen.

"Living with genital herpes can be a hassle."

Integra screams at the top of her lungs, "YOU'VE GOT TA BE KIDDING ME."

"HEY. I'M TRYING TO HEAR THE SPANISH VERSION" V billows.

Integra slowly turns around and gawks at V with her blue, bloodshot dazed eyes, "S-Spanish?"

V laughed lightly, "Of course! I have it in 400 languages--- many I just made up four hours ago in which I laughed at."

_7 hours later..._

V yawns, "One more DVD."

Integra's in a state of unstableness as she time-to-time goes into fits of crying and laughing together.

V pops in the DVD. No sound.

Just Liz's old buddy icon in which Yan's face is flashing blue and white in a purely epilleptic manner.

Integra turns to V, "AND WHY ARN'T YOU INSANE YET?"

V looks at her, "Like, duuuuh. I'm from Ohio."

Integra's left eye twitches simultaneous with a lip quirrel.

_Just outside of the Hellsing Organization_...

Outside stood 6 people. No. Not the ones that were from the beginning. It was..

The Millennium.

Hans admantly steps forward to waiver his battle cry.

Krieg walks behind Hans to pat his shoulder, "Zhat ist so true."

He then gluttonously stuffs a grenade into his mouth.

But it's not a grenade, I just like writing that word.

It was a pink frosted donut.

Doc stood there with a notebook writing down some random plans in German, as Kreig spoke to Hans. Schrodinger was standing next to Rip, and Zorin was polishing the blade of her scythe.

Rip glanced over to Krieg and walked over to him.

"Zhall ve ghet going soon?" The German vampire questioned.

"Ja.." A sick grin set upon Krieg's features as the group marched towards the enterance. Once that the German opened the door and stepped inside the complex..

Liz jettisons through the air to latch upon his leg.

She politely asks, "Santa comma is that you question mark?"

"Nein." Krieg replys, staring at the strange girl that latched upon his leg.

Liz grinned and slithered away.

Schro scratches his right ear, "Ehhh... letz not go een, ja?"

The others let out a sigh, except for Hans.

"NEIN!" Kreig yelled. Before he knew it, he was taken into the darkness of the hallways.

The others were wide eyed.

SUDDENLY.

Out of the blue, Liz screams "HAAAAAKIIIII SAKII!" and she latches herself onto Rip's back.

Suprized by the sudden scream, She flinched and yelled out..

"VHAT ZEH HELL DU JU VANT?"

Schrodinger, Zorin, and Hans stare.

Liz tied herself to Rip as she stood there.

Doc couldn't resist laughing.

Rip glared at the three, and hissed. "GHET ZHIS ... ZHIS.. THING OPF OF ME!" She yelled. Doc sighed and walked over to her, taking a look at how Liz tied herself to Rip's back. Doc let out a sigh.

"Kan't."

Rip twitched. "Vhat.. did ju zay?"

Doc just shook his head. "Ze frauline tied herself to ju pretty good.. und ze knot ist hard to untie too."

Rip sighed at her bad luck.

LOLOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGLOL.

WOO and that makes Chapter 2!

Well, More is soon to be written. A friend will be doing Chapter 3 by the way.

And I guess I'll be catching up on 4.

I'm sorry if your brain is missing somthing. ;


	3. The navy blue Installment

**Hellsing's Fanbase Problems**: Chapter 3: The Navy Blue Installment

Written by Der Baron Joe opf **Michigan**

Fanbase People are (c) Themselves.

I DO NOT OWN THE HELLSING CHARACTERS, OMGWTF. They all belong to Kouta Hirano and all that jazz. He is godly.

Flames are my friend.

"Generic Dialogue." means they are talking, and /Generic Thought./ means thought. Okay? GOOD. D:

I'm not sure what the Fic is rated, but it sure seems like a **T** to me. o.o

LOLOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGLOL.

Today's Italisized Sub-chapter Title's Shall be Read by Anderson.

_Ootsoide Tha Hellzing Coorpoorashin._

Oh, poor Ripley and her string of bad luck. There she was, your average flat-chested 80-year-old bachelorete Nazi vampire, but facing the largest twist she will ever know; the horrors of having an OHIOAN (Of all things demonic.) tied to her back like she was a German pack-mule. For five minutes, Rip tried to scrabble her lanky arms around her back trying to shake loose the obsessed parasite that resided there. The only thing she accomplished was getting bitten several times, and having several locks of her black hair being severed from her demonic scalp of doom and whatnot.

"Fraulein Rip, if Ich may interject, vhy not try some veed-killer?" Doc suggested to Rip.

"JU VREAK OPF ANIME FANDOM NATURE." Rip took a bottle of bleach, instead, and poured it on the Liz clamped to her back. Liz shrieked in happiness as her mouth widened and bowled out, collecting the bleach and storing it within her innards. Liz then furiously cackled, as Doc and Schrödinger's left eyes were both twitching in disgusted horror, "JU GOT ZHO BE KIDDINK MEINSELF," Rip slapped her face in agony, not realizing her glove still had bleach on it, "! GAFROZZLINKOONAUF! X.X"

"Whunagh?" Liz lifted her hand as it was covered with inky blackness coming from the vampire's head, "GAPSPSPSP...SPSPS. YOUR HEAD'S LEAKING."

"Lea...kink?" Rip raised a now whitened eyebrow as she turned around to gaze at a conveniently placed wall mirror on the door. Her eyes widened as she saw her hair now resembled the X-Men's Rogue's. Schrödinger suddenly fell trough a trap door.

_Meanwhoile, bock wooth Integra.._

"Oh would ja look at dat? The DVD's over with. . ." V said with her trademark spaced ellipses at the end. Integra had a crinkled smile across her face and was shaking violently with uncontrollably dilating pupils.

"T-T-T-T-THE FLASHING. IT BURNS MAH BRAIN." Integra's restraints were released, only to cause her to fall to the floor in a fetal position.

"Mmmhm." V was picking at her teeth with her pinky finger, "Lessee. . . Oh. Right. Next I'm supposed to have you bake 140.8 of those Betty Crocker dome cakes with only a spoon, bowl, open fire, crayons and glitter." Integra glared up at V and screamed horridly, "HOP TO IT."

_Ahnd now aoure dear Kr… Kriou… Kriougn. KRIEG. Yasz._

Autteh and Krieg sat in a room with a buzzing fluorescent light flickering above the small card table in front of them. Autteh continued a vacant and blank smile/stare at Krieg, until she broke the silence, "SAY IT."

"Say vhat?" Krieg queried.

"SAY WHAT'S ON THE CARD I GAVE YOU." Autteh demanded.

"But… I kant…" Krieg replied.

"YEZYOUCAN."

Krieg sighed and said what needed to be said: Egg McMuffin, "Ekk MigMuvmin."

"XDXDXDXDXD THAT'S SO AWESOME. AGAINAGIANAGIAN." Autteh clapped her hands.

"E-Ekk MigMuvmin." Krieg's eyes shifted.

"XDXD; Okay. Now time for torture," Autteh looked at Krieg, "MOON BASE ZAPPA," she shouted horrendously loud. Krieg cringed, as his hands locked to the chair that turned towards a giant TV with him in it. The TV turned on, displaying the DVD menu to…

Season One of Frasier in Portuguese. Krieg whined out of disdain.

"As an added bonus…" Autteh started, "a robotic claw on the ceiling'll be shoving balls of a fine mixture of wasabi and guacamole into your mouth on 12 second intervals." Krieg gazed at the TV as the show started. The first line was already too much.

"Generic law term, Frank." Frasier monotonously stated. Krieg broke into tears, as the first wasabi/guacamole ball entered his mouth. Autteh, meanwhile, was talking on a walkie-talkie.

"The piggy is in the pen. How many left?" Autteh said.

"Liz's taking care of the curly one. There more. Employ Ruka and Aki." Joe replied.

_Twainkle Twainkle Lil' Stahr..._

Aki had gotten Walter to the conservatory to play piano for her. He was forced to sit on a seat covered in fly-paper, "So here's the deal," she started, "you play 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' backwards, upside-down while still being right-side up, legato and allegro at the same time."

"But, miss, that's impossi…"

"I DON'T CARE." Aki billowed, "YOU WILL DO AS I COMMAND," Schrödinger then fell through the ceiling and landed on his stomach on top of the piano, which was covered in flypaper, "AND THAT CAT-THING'LL SING 'MEOW' TO THE TUNE OF JINGLE BELLS AT THE SAME TIME, LIKE IN THAT COMMERCIAL."

"Nya..?" Schrödinger was obviously confused.

"START." Aki cracked a whip in mid air, as the two European cool-people began to hastily follow their orders. Five minutes of horrible animal sounds and screeches on the piano follow along with the echo of Aki's cackling.

_Whaht uv tha odder Millenyum?_

Rip was outside, still, with the parasite latched upon her back. She was now scratching and whipping at Liz furiously with her rifle, then, in a blind rage, shouting.

"VHY VON'T JU DIIIIE?" Rip screamed, then fired her gun…

Only to have it explode in a mess of already chewed bubble gum.

Yes, here she was, involuntary white highlights, coved in gum, and carrying an extra 140 pounds of weight on her back. Rip collapsed to the ground, crying hysterically, looking at Doc and Zorin, "VHY HAWEN'T JU HELPED MEINSELF?"

Doc had lifted his finger up, but, at that moment, disappeared in a beam of white light. Zorin's eyes widened at the disappearance of her colleagues and was shaking in fear, when…

"I CAN FLYYYYYYYYYY." Ruka flew around above Zorin on a giant magic Narwhal, then, dove down, flipping once, landing on Zorin's head, cackling while stretching the mannish-Nazi's ears. She then pulled out a makeup kit, as a flock of flamingoes wearing Mr. T masks surrounded Zorin, pinning her arms and legs down to the ground. As you can guess because of this plots lack of intricacy, Ruka proceeds to barrage Zorin's tattooed face with makeup of whorish proportion.

Yep. Rip rolling about the grounds covered in gum and an army of flamingoes surrounding a whorish Nazi next to a smoking crater where a genetic genius once stood was the scene. I am perfectly happy with that.

_Dahc's Lahbyranth Ahdventoore._

Doc reappeared in a dark room with a spotlight over him, missing his glasses. Joe's voice boomed over an intercom, "WELCOME TO MY LABYRINTH, DOCCO, AND YOUR MODERN LIFE."

Doc looked around, squinting. He tried to walk forward, but it was very hard, "Vhy ist it hard to valk?" He cried.

"Ah, yes… I captured that Pig-thing and tied him to a rolly-chair, that you happen to be pulling."

"Pig-zhing?" Doc sounded confused, but, there KRIEG was, strapped to the rolly-chair gently waving with one hand and holding a box of powdered donuts in the other.

"Hallo mein Doktor." Krieg politely stated.

"Vhat happened to Hans?" Doc asked.

"Tall dark and Nazi? Oh. I sent him to the north pole."

_-At the north pole.-_

Hans stands on an ice ledge in a crowd of squawking penguins, muttering a clearly satirical, "…"

_-Back in England-_

"Now, Doc," Joe started, "Get to the cheese at the end of the maze, utilizing the power of your AMAZING GERMAN NOOOOOOOOOOOOSE."

Doc whined and walked forward, bumping right into a wall, "OW GOTT!" He yelled and stumbled back, flipping over Krieg in a stupor, "GOTT DAME."

"Bwahahaha… kukuku… ufufufufu… MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA…" Joe cackles more.

_Uh Huhnt Fer Mahxweall._

Enter Anderson. Our North-Scotland Vatican priest was getting mighty worried at the disappearance of Maxwell, so, he set out to investigate. He slowly approached the back entrance to Hellsing HQ, with his glasses reflecting in the dusk light. He went closer to the door when he stopped and lightly said to himself, "Whaht's thaht nooise?"

"HAJIMETE KIMI TO SHABETTAAAA!" A barrage of forks came from behind Anderson, violently pinning him to the ground face-down.

"WHAHT THA MEETY FOOK?" Anderson screeched. The door then busted apart, along with most of the surrounding wall… and out from it… was Aki, riding Schrödinger like a horse, pushing an enormous katamari in front of them towards Anderson, containing items such as:

A fridge.

A TV.

A couch.

Walter sitting at the piano, still playing.

Anderson was then rolled up like hell. Yep. Screaming n' all. Aki rolled the katamari around in circles for a few, then she stopped it to add Schrödinger to it and roll it back into the house. She then disappeared.

_Whaht tha Hell.._

Ah, yes. Integra was locked in a room filled with scores of tasteless crayon cakes sparkling with glitter, whilst teetering on the brink of insanity.

Alucard was bopping back and fourth trying to escape the might of possessed items in the mansion from the safety of a closet.

Seras isn't here because I ate her.

Maxwell had disappeared after being ravaged by a possessed sash.

Doc had an ever-growing Krieg behind him as he stumbled about a dark maze in a stupor equivalent to 3 weeks of binge drinking, being horribly affected in his speech.

Rip was cemented to a wall in hardened bubble gum.

Zorin was covered in whorish makeup.

Schrödinger, Walter, and Anderson were violently bouncing off the walls of the Hellsing Mansion whilst attached to an enormous sticky ball called a Katamari.

Hans was on an Iceberg.

_How Are You Gentlemen._

The six strangers had all disappeared, leaving the Hellsing characters isolated and suffering in an almost perfect form of torment and torture, when suddenly, the complex shook at a horribly high mark on the Richter Scale. The characters were shuffled about like rag-dolls and all fell into well-placed steel chutes, collecting them in a single, round room.

Yes, they all poured out of the walls and landed into uncomfortable hard retrained chairs surrounding a massive holographic screen. Hans somehow was there, too.

"What happen?" Integra yelled. Doc, who was still in a horrible daze, replied.

"Somebody set us up the bomb!"

Then, the screen flickered. Liz, Aki, Ruka, Autteh, V, and Joe in the center appeared. Joe's hair was standing straight up and half his face was covered in metal. He sported a purple robe and began a familiar quote…

"How are you Gentlemen. All your base are belong to us. You are on the way to destruction."

"What you say?" Doc tried to question with the best grammar he could muster up at the moment.

"You have no chance to survive make your time." Joe stated, "Ha ha ha ha."

The world fades out with the end of Chapter 3…

LOLOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGWTFOMGLOL.

That's the best part of the installment, 'cause I wrote it. Back to the people from Ohio.


End file.
